Growing Up Mixed
“I hate my hair.” It’s a harsh statement to make but as a little girl, those words encapsulated the way I felt about my curls. It was a phrase that gathered every feeling I ever had about my hair and bundled them together under an umbrella of negativity. Hating my hair was a reality I lived through most of my life. It was a self-defining truth that dug its roots so deep into my psyche, it ultimately impacted how I felt about myself as a person. I had grown up looking much different than other kids on the playground. From my skin tone to my eye color, I naturally stood out. While most people did their best to acknowledge my differences by referring to me as, “exotic” I could tell they were almost as uncomfortable saying the word, as I was hearing it. However, at the end of the day no one truly knew how to define me and neither did I.
The earliest memory I have of my hair involves me sitting in a high chair and gripping my seat every time my mom pulled a comb through the tangles. I was always tender-headed but I wondered if my experience was worse than other little girls because my hair was so thick. My friends would effortlessly pull dainty plastic combs through their silky hair, while my mom had to use a special brush that we drove 45 minutes across town to purchase. I liked to think that my experience was solely based on accessibility and availability of products meant for “Black girl hair”, but my most defining hair moments went deeper than detangler. I’m thankful that YEARS later products would become available for mixed and multicultural hair (I’ll share my favorites with you soon!) but unlike the ever-evolving products that are still far and few between, the conversation surrounding my mixed heritage hasn’t always done the same. There had always been discomfort in the confusion surrounding the undefinable a.k.a. my ethnicity, and I know for a fact, it not only impacted how I felt about my hair, it ultimately impacted how I cared for it as well. I had no idea what I was doing! Ironically enough, neither did a lot of hairstylists who called themselves professionals. I never did figure out the ethnicity of the father of my great-great-grandfather or where my great-grandmother on my mom’s side was born but as years went on, I stopped trying. At the end of the day Instead of searching for which side of the family the majority of my Blackness came from, I decided instead, it was time to live for myself. Yes, appreciating where you come from is important, but what truly defines you goes beyond your family tree and ultimately YOU decide how far you want to go.
I hadn’t realized until I was older, the only reason I was curious about my heritage in years passed, was so I could have a better explanation to give people who asked me about my background. Once I learned to let go of that, I began learning more about myself and naturally began connecting to my multicultural heritage. Then and only then, did I learn a little bit more about why my hair was curly, frizzy, thick, and everything in between. I took the time to try different shampoos, conditioners, and products, to see how my hair would respond to the different solutions (I’m still experimenting). Some products were okay, while others fell short, but I no longer felt that it was my fault if something didn’t work out the way the back of the bottle said it would. Sooner or later I started to see my hair health had a lot to do with the way it responded to different products. Once I began to love my hair better and it became stronger and healthier, I found the freedom to style my hair in a multitude of ways…then I had to deal with people who wanted to decide how they preferred I wear my hair but that’s another story for another time.
When children read, The Perfect Mix I want them to learn two huge lessons…number one, they’re not alone and there are solutions to hair woes that exist today BECAUSE they’re not alone…number two, no matter how anyone tries to define them…they are the perfect mix inside and out. As much as I want children to connect to this story, I also want parents to feel healing. If my story touches your inner child, I have more than exceeded my mission and I’m honored to be a part of YOUR story and your personal hair journey.
Love, Clarke